what's on my mind

Old Harry's Rock

2012-02-01T12:41:00.000-08:00

So for those of you that I told I would post about this on Sunday...yeah I totally meant Wednesday...

But anyway!(Sorry...)

I live in a small seaside town that sometimes crowds in on me. This is the street I live on...

The houses, the cars, the little walls that surround each house...it's all very nice but for some time now all I wanted was to sit in the middle of a big green field with nothing around me but the sky...and possibly a cow...but better without. Just me, myself, the green green grass and the blue, blue sky. Sigh....

So Saturday I got on my bike and pedaled and pedaled and pedaled here....

Old Harry's Rocks, a point jutting out into the ocean either named after the Devil (Old Harry) or a pirate (Harry Paye), but either way they are these beautiful chalk cliffs.

Which happened to be situated right by...wait for it, wait for it...yes...a big...green...field!

It's a big green field! It was so lovely! The cliffs were beautiful and I enjoyed them so much. But then I walked over to the center of the big green field and sat and soaked in the lovely open space. You can't tell in this picture but the sky was blue and the grass was so green and there weren't any cows. It was a little windy and cold but it was so nice. I laid there, then I sat there and read and my little heart was so happy. Sigh...

Yeah for big green open fields..

This picture was on the bike ride back as I waited for the ferry. The sun was starting to lower in the sky and it was just really pretty. And I kind of love this ferry that works by pulling itself along chains.

The bike ride back was a little chilly as the clouds rolled in but it was all worth it for I still have the spirit of that big green field.

Up & Down & All Around

2012-01-27T07:15:00.000-08:00

Do you remember thrill rides aka roller coasters? You know (for those True Houstonians out there) things like the Texas Cyclone, Greezed Lightning, the UltraTwister, the Viper, Thunder River, Sky Screamer, XLR-8, and of course the nauseating Wagon Wheel.

Growing up, I loved them. It took me a long time to get on the Texas Cyclone by myself but soon I was riding all of them over and over again loving the jolts and the going up with the anticipation of crashing down only to be saved at the last minute with a swerve to the right or left. It's all an illusion, the risk and the danger, and you know this and that is why you scream with delight and throw your hands up and in most cases laugh hysterically.

I once heard a speaker in church talk about our lives, how they were much like roller coasters except we can't always see the track ahead of us but we trust in a higher power to get us through the twists and turns of life. Then he asked what kind of riders we each are. Do we trust in the track and the seat belts and enjoy the exhilaration and speed? Do we throw up our hands and squeal with delight at the twists and turns? Or do we grip with white knuckles and pray that it will all be over in a matter of minutes?

You may be wondering where I'm going with this? Well thus far 2012, all 27 days of it, reminds me of the roller coasters I use to love so much. Except instead of looking like this:

It looks like this:

I know, it looks so peaceful, but don't let the exterior fool you! On the inside it's an up down all around thrill ride and I wish I could say that I've thrown up my hands and enjoyed the whole thing...but I can't. In full disclosure, there have been (more than) a couple of times where I looked like this on the inside:

I can't even tell you exactly why. Mentally I know it's all going to work out but I guess some days the anxiety overrides the hope and some days it is just a mix of the two taking turns with insecurity and doubt. So that is my goal this year. To have less of the above and more of this:

Complete with enlightenment, please! So what does it take to do that? Can anyone tell me? Is faith really just a mixture of feeling like the little girl but thinking/looking like the monks?

Are you wondering what's been going on in the last 27 days? Here are a few highlights:

shared a flight with Lady Mary Crawley (Yes Kathryn, it was her, we are both positive after watching Downton Abbey on the inflight entertainment for 4 hours. And no, she didn't fly first class)
moving...again...with a hope and a dream and a very wonderful friend :)
relationships...need I say more (just for the record though, this has been the most part of the up part)
crazy girl...yep Mary...she came out
internship? anyone? internship?...I'm really wonderful!...seriously...internship? no not yet
out maneuvered the Fort Knox secretary only to be thwarted by her again...she's good
internship!
fingerprints (wow that was expensive for only using some of your ink and bringing my own form)
walking, biking, wandering around a grocery story looking for reception on my phone
walking or biking some more...and then walking some more
inefficiency with a smattering of efficiency parading as inefficiency
waiting, waiting...this is the hardest part.
learning again that it is all in the hands of the Lord and remembering that everything has a purpose
and the whole range of emotions that goes with it.
sorry for the vagueness, still not all that comfortable bearing my soul (or personal details) on this blog.

Muppets + Carol of the Bells =

2011-12-04T21:26:00.001-08:00

P.S. If you haven't seen the Muppets movie and you're in the mood for a silly, feel good movie than I recommend it.

P.P.S These are my three favorite Muppet characters...